This is just a proposed first paragraph of my story. I plan on revising it when it's not quarter to 9 in the morning. Hope you like.
Legendary. Hmph. That's a word that's tossed around a lot these days. Thing is, a lot of people can talk about becoming legendary, but they really can't be sure of what is to be legendary. Never-the-less, becoming a legend is something that many people in this world strive for. The same can be said for three teenagers living in a small town called East Pines; Jeremiah, Thomas, and Vincent. Each of them had always had visions of grandeur about their future; maybe one of them would become a famous actor and be written down in history as the greatest actor to ever live. Or maybe another one would become a famous rock star and be labeled as the best musician ever. Maybe still, another one of them might turn out to be the best writer ever to grace a sheet of paper. These three had big plans for their role in the grand scheme of things; thing is, something out there in the grand scheme already had plans for these three. Big plans.
Sarcasm
I do like it. The concept is nice, and the description of the plot is somewhat intriguing, although brief. It is, however, hard to judge the work with such a small portion. It'd be helpful to get some background information on the setting, characters, etc.
I like the shroud of mystery you put on the antagonistic force at the end. It provides a good hook for the reader, and foreshadows some of the events that will take place later.
Here's a revised version I came up with.
Keep in mind: I am no writer. Let's see what you think.
"Legendary? Hmph! That is a word so frivolously tossed around these days. But what does it mean to be a legend? None can be fully sure of the definition. Yet there are those who still desperately strive to become legendary, to gain this elusive title reserved for only the world's most elite. Of these innumerable hordes of attention-seekers, three come to mind when I think of the word legendary.
The small, backwoods town of East Pines, Maryland offered little hope for discovery; providing no exception to our heroes Jeremiah, Thomas, and Vincent, three teenagers with delightful delusions of grandeur. Chances of becoming famous here were slim to none, yet they still persisted. As time passed these quixotic dreams grew even more increasingly intricate and far more absurd. Perhaps a famous actor, known internationally, and crowned the greatest to ever be in cinema. Or perhaps another would become a rock star, selling several multi-platinum records and being hailed as the best musician of all time. And even still, perhaps one may become a writer, with eloquent and flowing works which would awaken the imaginations of the masses.
Big plans for this ragtag gang, don't you think? Turns out, something somewhere out there already had plans for them. Plans greater than they could've ever imagined, even in their wildest fantasies."
I kinda put my own spin on it, throwing in some description while trying to prevent from adding any factual information. I put East Pines in Maryland, as I thought it would be a good idea to use a place you are familiar with as the setting for your story. I thought that the narrator was somewhat undeveloped, so I added a few human qualities, such as a bit of condescending, sarcastic, and even slightly jealous language from him/her.
TacticalShoe
I feel what you did.
Thing is though, I really despise the mandatory "character description" section of stories. I try to put that in as seamlessly as I can in the stories that I write, and I just haven't thought of how to do that in this story.
And while your writing style is really good, it just doesn't fit the feeling I'd like this story to end up having. I tried to play the narrator off as an emotionless character, in order to make him feel higher than the people in the story.
But hey, thanks for the interest.
Respect.